Nightmares

Tags

2016, darkness, depressed, fear, loneliness, march, miserable, nightmare, nightmares, sad, sadness, tired

“Open your eyes”, my mom would say.  “When you’re having a nightmare, open your eyes, and you’ll be Ok. Take a look around, and your heart will be at ease.”
I open my eyes now, but I can’t breathe mom. This is what I’m afraid of. The sun’s rays hit my face through the cracks of the blinds, my stomach clenches, my heart races, I’m desperate for air… I close my eyes, it’s dark again…..I can breath. I’m afraid of the light, darkness is my friend. I’m tired of the nightmares. Good night.

It’s OK

Tags

alone, depressed, despair, fear, honest, lies, loneliness, ok, pain, tears, today

It’s ok to not be ok, they say. Tears aren’t a sign of weakness, they say. If you need a shoulder to lean on, turn to me, they say.  I say, if I’m being honest, I’m so far from being ok. Tear rolling down my face, yet no one is there.  Fear and despair in my eyes, yet no one to share.  I realize it was all a lie.  I’m not ok, but it’s ok, they say.

A Good Day

Tags

2016, confused, good day, happy, miserable, sad, tired, today

Today is a good day. I have to keep telling myself that. I’m not sure what to believe anymore.  My body and my mind betray me. Neither tell me the truth.  I’m lost and confused. I don’t know what to feel.  I don’t what’s real. The day drags on, my heart pounds, anxiety builds.  I take a deep breath, some part of me hopes it would be my last…but today is a good day.

Me

I woke up this morning…

Tags

darkness, depressed, february, sadness, this morning, tomorrow

I woke up this morning, that’s an accomplishment, trust me.  Even though most mornings I wish I didn’t.  I wish I would fade into the darkness.  Yet here I am. I’m so tired.  Today is not a good day.  Maybe tomorrow will be, or maybe not. Who knows?

Me